Customer who?

Along with banning movies, freedom of expression and intent, I say we also do away with this silly notion of customer service. It should absolutely be the norm that customer service people get to walk all over consumers and complaining, now that should be a thing of the past.



Complain? About being treated badly when you want to exchange your money, in return for their goods? Complain? What utter nonsense. You only have money. They on the other hand have all sorts of means by which they might make you miserable. Complain away.

So, it’s ok when my Ceylinco on-the-spot takes over five hours to come through and I get directed from pillar to post.


It’s ok when Sri Lankan airlines stewardesses treat me with disdain because I’m travelling in Economy, or when they talk-down to domestics returning from the Middle East.


It’s ok when HELLTEL does completely and utterly the opposite of what I’ve asked them to.

It’s ok when (in spite of years of complaining) they serve me coffee at Barista’s in those takeaway cups that cheerfully spill my coffee for me before I get a chance to.

It’s ok when the Gallery Café maitre d’ snarls at me.

It’s ok when the Gallery Café owner snarls at the customers he doesn’t want.

It’s ok when I see rats in the rafters at Wadiya.

It’s ok when ODEL shop assistants breathe down my neck and fold clothes before I’ve looked at them properly.

It’s ok when the guy at Dasa’s is unhelpful because I’m only buying one DVD.

It’s ok when you pay full price ticket for an evening at the theatre for the privilege of watching what is, at best, a second rate primary school dress rehearsal.

And it’s ok when I pay this government over one third of my salary and get sweet b____-all for it.


It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. What else can it be?

My best customer experiences have been at:

1. Everyone, bar none, at the Cinnamon Grand
2. The Abans cleaning staff, all over – bless their cotton socks
3. Brite Video and Precious (when they were alive)
4. My SLT teleshop. Super super efficient
5. The people at my Kodak shop
6. Number 18 – it’s the only restaurant I’ve been to in a while where I have my glass of water
or wine refilled before I’ve even realised that’s what I need.
7. The kade round the corner. Ahhhh.

That’s it. You expected more? In this city?

Compare that list terrible customer experiences which have been at:

1. Suntel
2. Suntel
3. Suntel – they’re just the biggest bunch of dumb-clucks I have had the misfortune of
dealing with
4. Stage Light & Magic and Stage Fright and Panic – they should be renamed - Groan, Gripe
and Exit
5. My company’s HR function – I hope Satan has a special hell for these people. And I hope
they burn there for the rest of time.
6. My ad agency – arrogant and careless. I’d move if there was anyone else to move to
7. My car dealer – Y R Piyadasa near Kirulapone – may he get exactly what he deserves
8. The Police at checkpoints – they make thick planks look intelligent. The Johnnies who come
round the houses are no better.
9. Traffic police – self-serving, corrupt – they’d be a hard act to beat
10. CID – actually these people would give the traffic police a run for their money. I don’t deny
that I’ve met a few smart people at the CID but they’re clearly dancing to a tune that’s not
played on a frequency I can hear.
11. The chaps at the Indian embassy
12. The security guards at the VFS office in Colombo that process UK, French and some other
country’s visas
13. Last but not least my friendly friends at The Gallery Cafe and at Paradise Road.

So customer service in Sri Lanka sucks. Big time. But what do you do about it? Well, what can you do about it? Complain?