The Da Vinci Slog

I see there are howls of protest at Il Presidente’s decision to ban screenings of ‘The DaVinci Code’ in Sri Lanka. I have only this to say to him: thank you.

Yes of course, it is a terrible thing when a Government tries to control what and how it’s people think and it’s funny to see a Buddhist Lawyer play the fundamental fanatic but the movie is slow, preposterously pontificating and the acting is gut-wrenchingly bad. He is really doing us a favour.

Those who weren’t impressed by the book will find the movie exposes all the faults of the plot and the theory magnificently. Which is a shame. I wasn’t really a fan of the book but it was very readable, though the writing was somewhat basic. What was really irritating was that the wretched thing had been written for the movies… so while it could be described as a ‘page-turner’, that effect is kind of inevitable when chapters are all of a page long… n'est-ce pas?

As for the movie.... I was surprised to find myself bored. Really, bored. The acting was stiff and the entire movie over-dramatised so that it was almost laughable. I swear there were sections where Tautou sounded like the Lady from the Resistance in ‘Allo, Allo’ – “Leesten very carefully… I shall say zees only wunce”.

There was also little schwang between Hanks’ character Langdon and Tautou’s Neveau. Little explanation of why they’re both stumbling headlong into this dangerous adventure without second thought. Their lack of options, that was apparent in the book, doesn’t translate very well on screen.

What was upsetting was that the characters seemed to be driven, not by their personal motivation but this desperate need to piece the puzzle together. And so cracking the code and escaping from deranged killers takes pride of place…. but you’re never really sure why they’re doing it.

Then there are lots of Waste of Time scenes (WOT) : where the movie started to explore issues, like why Tautou’s character fell out with her grandfather or Hanks’ issue with confined space but didn’t tie any of this in with the overall plot. Pointless. Pointless.

Then there were more WOT scenes like the re-enactments of the history being discussed: the Council of Niceae, Emperor Constantine’s death, Mary Magdalene’s escape and killings of the Knights of the Templar. All very gimmick-y.

Did I like anything about the movie? Yes – Jean Reno as Bezu Fache and Ian McKellan as Sir Leigh Teabing were a treat to watch. Paul Bettany also did a good job with his role of Silas, the killer-monk from the Opus Dei.

It’s a 3/ 10. If you have to – read the book and leave it at that.