The country’s finest

A recent post on Kottu about our local police force got me thinking… about all the times I have had run-ins and near run-ins with the Police and they number well into the hundreds… If you drive, you’ll know what I mean.

I have several issues with the Police, the most significant being that they are not as well trained as the armed forces and I think it is this lack of training that spills over when they handle civilians. They are crass, obnoxious and unapologetic about the inconvenience they put us through. Enough already. If anyone in the Army was to wander about the streets in uniform while off duty – they’d be court-martialled. Same process for the Navy and Air Force. I don’t believe the same law applies to the Police. Shame. So they wander about in patrol cars and stop off at local eating houses, or hitch rides in trishaws and buses, knowing full well that they won’t be billed because they are in uniform. In other parts of the world it might be considered an abuse of power but not in Sri Lanka.

Now here’s my other issue – every morning on my way to work, I count over 5 policemen frantically gesturing for traffic to move against the lights. Now that system is just stupid, it’s counter-intuitive and completely confusing. It can’t be just me who thinks this way... It’s a red light but traffic is moving. Or it’s a green light and I’m boxed in. Where’s the logic in this system? If the lights aren’t managing the traffic properly then that’s when you need to get the lights rewired, not put in a human element. Least of all, an element of humanity that belongs to the Police force, ‘cos we’ve established that 95% of them have no brains.

As for speeding fines – I think that must be every cop’s dream job. You get to sit under a tree and use a cool radar gun once every ten minutes. I believe it’s possible that the reason why we have such low speed limits is probably because our roads are a) short b) have a maximum of two lanes and c) have lots of turn-offs. So even if you wanted to pick up speed it would be difficult with all the cars turning on and off the main road.

If you’re caught speeding outside Colombo, the Police can actually insist you go back there in a week or so to sort it out in their court. Which is fine if you’re in Kandy but if you’re anywhere off the beaten path…. Then heaven help you! Basically what they seem to do is stand near the points where the speed limits change i.e. approaching a town and then zap motorists who haven’t yet had time to drop their speed to 50k! Blood suckers. I’ve noticed this on the Galle Road from Moratuwa to Ahungalla and on that new stretch before and after Dambulla. Be warned.


Foot note: I’ve learned through bitter experience that the easiest way to negotiate with Policemen and women is to smile nicely and hope they’ll leave you alone. I can confirm the same tactic works with customs, immigration officials and new bosses.