Azrael's Word

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

2010-03-11T05:27:00.002+05:30

Damn Woody Allen for coming up with that line first. It's a recurring struggle for me who is always thinking of something insanely clever only to find that someone else has thought it, said it or worse, patented it before I have had the chance to get there.

If you were to think of the best inventions in the last 50 years what would they be? My list would include online porn and ... oh yes digital cameras. The downside of my second choice is that I am now constantly bombarded with heavily 'photoshopped' photographs from rank amateurs (and the odd professional). When did photography become about the after-party for fuck's sake? Of course there's always been a certain amount of post production which was acceptable and still relatively artistic (specially if you were sweating in a tiny dark room as you did your work) but now all you need is a Mac or a PC and CS3/4 to pretend your camera takes photographs where colours are so well, colourful. Worse still when the background is a little blurry and a little streaky as if it took itself for a walk mid-click.

Photographers might think we're stoooopid but I would like to assure them we're not. We know those pictures have been doctored more than most political messages and I for one would like them to stop. I'm all for the mood, the moment and I can't feel any of that when I look at an image that's had all the beauty photo-chopped out of it.

I like that Avatar was so universally loved by the masses and then treated as it was by the Academy. Hurrah to that I say and about bloody time.

I don't why this is related but an article I read this week claims that Michael Ondaatje a. travelled in the boot of the car the writer was travelling in and b. says his comes from the generic name for the people who fashion metal objects for temples. That's not right - or is it?

Maamaa

2010-01-10T07:54:00.004+05:30

I cannot imagine the world you live in.
Filled as it is with Defender jeeps, Gucci shades, Limited Edition Repsol Replica Blade and the best Grey Goose laundered money can buy.

Money can’t buy love said Lennon, or was it McCartney?
Nevermind... it buys everything else.

You lie back on the plush chesterfield
paid for with someone else’s money
and contemplate the world on a Thursday afternoon.
Blissfully unaware that Richard’s laughing at you.

Laughing at you, as you sit there,
overlooking the lake in your fake-bake.
You swear you’ve had enough
of the Plebs with their gal, their Arrack.
They’re way off-tack.
They should go to hell. It’s been an unbearable dry-spell.
There’s no chutzpah in being a rebel.
No anarchic swell for the dissident in jail.

The dissident in jail
There’s a man in a cell
For twenty years you can sell
the story
In the Daily Noisery
Of his corruption and 'collusion'
with the Masters.

The sort you’re hiding now on Army territory.

Territory – ha ha yes. It’s all yours.
Liberated from the axis of evil.
And thrown to the fire. For good measure.

You think, “I’ll tell them to go to hell...
there’s enough thel”
Yes and more than enough bread.
That construct’s in your head.
You utter fuckwit.
Turn on your Blackberry Bold and download an app
that directs you to my head.

And let me show you to your bed.

Today

2009-11-24T16:40:00.006+05:30

There’s a civily-un. There’s a war. Here’s a General. And a sore. Here’s a joke. A toke. I’ll kill you if you smoke.

It’s a protest. A farce. A king and no monarch. Here’s a fish. There’s a meal. I don’t care what you steal. Here’s a thief. There’s a blade. Fuck off. Stop raining on my parade.

Take a knife. To my heart. In writing there’s no art. Go to hell. Take this spell. Bowl an over, do it well. In this glass is the worst - a Johnny Walker and a curse. A kingdom and a spur. A level field and a cur. A landmine and it’s over.

Losing sympathy

2009-04-12T11:37:00.011+05:30

The Animals (the the tune of the Noah's ark song)

I'm sorry for the people who have no guns. Hurrah. Hurrah.
I think they're called civily - uns. Hurrah. Hurrah.
They're all stuck in no man's land.
They're not worth enough to give a damn.
And we all keep partying on - hurrah. hurrah.

So maybe they'll be dead by ten. Hurrah. Hurrah.
Maybe they'll all be dead by then. Hurrah. Hurrah.
Spares us from having to bomb-them-dead.
Spares them from having to fast-to-death.
And we'll all keep living on. Hurrah. Hurrah.

I'm hoping that God has no eyes. hurrah. hurrah.
I'm hoping he can't sympathise. Hurrah. Hurrah.
Cos we know that he'd soon be dead.
If he said the government was even slightly bent.
And we'd have no heaven. Gwah. Gwah.

And as for the people who walk the streets. hurrah. hurrah.
I see that they don't miss a beat. hurrah. hurrah.
They're happy to call it 'genocide' though-they-all-have-vials-of cyanide
and blow up women and-machete-to-death-the-rest.

Porn for Kottu?

2008-09-24T01:03:00.002+05:30

So I was reading through today’s stories when ...... (wait for it) http://kinkypinkysrilanka.wordpress.com/2008/09/23/school/ pops up. I really don’t mind when people rant and rave and tell Kottu’s readers what gastronomic marvels they whipped up for dinner last night but this seems slightly off-colour. It isn’t even good porn.

On the up-side, it's my first post in weeks.

Four Horrid Brothers

2008-08-21T03:32:00.005+05:30

The story of the four horrid brothers has been passed down for generations. While the details are sketchy at best, it is almost certain the events described actually did occur – somewhere in a God-forsaken country in the Middle of Nowhere...

The four brothers lived in a monastery . There names were, Percy (the parish priest) Joachimaya (the chief cashier and consultant on the best method of quelling the Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu uprisings), Arnold and Carlos (the latter two are so insignificant that no one remembers their roles but only how they used their..... never mind). All four brothers had developed a proclivity to having sex with anything that could move....and lots of things that couldn’t. The list included the usual categories i.e. women, little boys and other peoples’ pigs but had been fine tuned to cover a range of things that really should never be discussed in public.

After Brother Percy took over the Parish, its financial situation went from bad to worse. This did not take the Parish much by surprise for Brother Percy was known to be adept at lining his own pockets. This was done by converting Parish gold into pigskin – in what Br. Percy wrongly assumed to be a clever master plan. To carry out this silly scheme, he enlisted the help of Silvos, a dirty, sullen thug who was employed as the Parish gardener.

Silvos (who deserves his own paragraph) was responsible for carrying out all the unpleasant tasks in the Parish. He willing killed and maimed people the brothers didn’t like. He then dumped their bodies somewhere no one would ever find them and for this, the brothers were thoroughly beholden to him. Silvos would sometimes get drunk in the town’s little taverns and had a terrible reputation among the more decent townfolk who complained regularly to Br. Percy. They insisted the Parish should 'let go' of Silvos. But Silvos was no ordinary gardener / slash thug. He was also a behemoth with almost supernatural tendencies towards kaos creation. When he was focused on a project - as he was for the brothers - his powers were concentrated and the sheer force of his capabilities propelled him to create marvellous mysteries for the Piglets working in the town’s law enforcement agency.

A Pome

2008-06-12T09:36:00.002+05:30

‘Subversive’ is what they called him.
But Richard was what he called himself.
He was a faymouse –a nameless gaymouse.

My ruler has a belly
My eraser; a walrus moustache
He is a goremouse with gormlice

You dance around in Koala stripes
They dance around in their undies
They are faymice-gaymice

He wore his goatee like a badge
And was golfed-off at the 13th hole
He was a reel mouse. A Che-mouse

It’s havoc in my warren
An avatar’s been eating apples
Its kids are vilemice-slime... Christ.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph....!!! (The Christmas Inc. review)

2007-12-20T04:39:00.000+05:30

I’ve complained before about having to pay full price tickets to watch second rate primary school dress rehearsals. I was, in that post, making a most diplomatic reference to Feroze Kamaradeen’s monstrous productions but would now like to include, Surein de S. Wijeratne’s near-catastrophic direction of Christmas Inc., in the same category.

The show was about.....actually I have no idea. They waxed eloquent about it being a smart, original play that would expose the commercialism of Christmas. It didn’t do that. Or anything else for that matter.

Unsurprisingly, the programme offered no direction and was as vague as the show itself,

“So what is the play about? (AW’s note: who knows? Obviously the writer herself doesn’t) Perhaps it’s about the commercialism of Christmas. Perhaps it’s about the stress we put ourselves and our relationships under in times of celebration, and “for what?” Perhaps it’s just that nothing really makes sense in this life, and the only truly sane thing to do is find ways to laugh (AW’s note: in that hysterical sort of way you do when you’re being bombarded with an endless stream of stupidity). Perhaps it’s about getting some strength from the story of the birth of Jesus, from the peaceful moment when briefly value systems were challenged and rich men bowed down to a poor baby child.” (AW's note: as opposed to a poor baby adult, I suppose)

(AW’s note: “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps....”)

On the up-side, the maddening script and ridiculous blocking gave the friend who came with me time to clear a text message inbox and delete other unwanted trash on the phone. It however kept me in awe for quite a while. To watch acTORS walk on-stage and deliver mundane Iines while singing long-winded songs was irritating. To watch them walk off-stage soon after, without giving the show any continuity while evoking ripples of laughter from the audience – was nothing if not strange. Is Colombo that easy to please? Did they not see the huge gaps in the script? Or hear the majority of actors deliver lines to the apron stage and no further? Or realise that scenes merged in this maddening way without the proper demarcation of timelines? Notice the without-purpose gestures that the acTORS made on stage? And worst of all, that the wretched acTORS had no mike training and repeatedly (and by that I really do mean over-and-over-and-over-and-over-again) thumped their chests and rustled their clothes so that what you heard most over the microphones was static and a muffled voice. Are these acTORS not trained before being unleashed on an unsuspecting public?

Christmas Inc. ran from 14-16 December and was a Kindergarten play that I should really have left after I had sat through the first four minutes of a ghastly overture which played (not the tunes of the songs to follow but awful, hackneyed Christmas songs and possibly some carols). Worse, the “overture” was played against the backdrop of an empty stage after it had been completely lit.

On the other hand, to have left then would mean that I would most certainly have missed a the real fun: watching the ensemble sing something along the lines of ‘I’ve never seen snow in Sri Lanka’ while they did these insane head-tilts. Head-tilts...... Head-tilts...... The kind you would see if you were in a nursery watching the children run around playing ‘aeroplanes’. Head-tilts. I say it repeatedly because thinking of it even now makes me laff and laff and this... makes my head tilt.

The lyrics of the songs were decent and the score was probably the best thing about the show but wasn’t there some stealing of the basic tune from one of King Herod’s songs from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar? And why were we made to watch that puppet show? It was particularly infantile and came at a time when I was getting increasingly irritated at the wiseman’s (Gehan Cooray’s character) silly tantrums. The costumes were nothing to write home about either – whose idea were those ridiculous trousers for the harem dance? Bleuch.

The choice of cast was poor at best and of the singers there were at least two sopranos who couldn’t hit the higher notes. By the way, who directed the singing in this show because there’s no mention in the programme. There was also no mention of the songs and the order of events. Which was particularly irritating because we weren't able to plan our escape effectively.

By all reports Surein de S. Wijeratne should have access to some of the most talented actors and actresses in the country but instead he chose to work with a group of 9 – 21 year olds and a sprinkling of 25-27 year olds thrown in for good measure. That the majority of actors didn’t stand out in this cast is, I think, an issue with the production or lack of it and less to do with an individual cast member’s skill. That said, Gehan Cooray did an excellent job of what was a poorly designed role: really is the only humorous aspect of people nowadays – their sexuality? Then of course, Ruveen Dias who faffed about the stage during Bengal Bungalow, really showed that he could act in Blood Brothers and came through again for Christmas Inc. Ashan Dias who promises to be a very good actor one day is always hiding behind the facade of a bumbling fool – why doesn’t someone trust him enough to give him a clever role? And Anupama Madhubashinie who overplayed the role a bit but seemed to be doing whatever she was asked to – well. Actors who weren’t necessary and made no impact whatsoever on the show: Mahesh Senaratne (the chief culprit of unclear words and mike-thumps), also Dominic Johnpillai, Lihini Wijeyratne and Anushka Senanayake. Damith Fernando and Irushi Tennekoon were posturing idiots, who played posturing idiots. It’s likely they might have done better under different direction, provided that Mr. Fernando loses his swagger and his uber-cool persona and that they both start acting. For a change.

All things considered it would be very kind of me to describe the show we sawas a second-rate dress rehearsal. Of course I support people for writing shows and arranging music themselves but there must be some standards imposed on the performance of that work. What would be best is if we could all rely on opinions of a group of reviewers who watch the show two to four weeks in advance and comment on its standard. As an example, a Kamardeen musical or comedy gets a rating of -5 while his unfunny plays get a rating of 1. Christmas Inc. however would have been rated -4.5 i.e. watch it only if you have to and your friends and lovers insist. Otherwise give it a skip and go to the office party/ family dinner/ put clothes in the washing machine - basically, the further you are from the venue the show’s at, the more likely it is that your brain won’t shrivel up and hide in your nostrils for the rest of the week.

How does one work so closely with Jerome de Silva for a decade or so and still suck at the basics of stagecraft?

(Image from Shehal's Flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shehal/2082312899/in/set-72157603358576428/

Customer who?

2007-12-04T19:54:00.000+05:30

Along with banning movies, freedom of expression and intent, I say we also do away with this silly notion of customer service. It should absolutely be the norm that customer service people get to walk all over consumers and complaining, now that should be a thing of the past.

Complain? About being treated badly when you want to exchange your money, in return for their goods? Complain? What utter nonsense. You only have money. They on the other hand have all sorts of means by which they might make you miserable. Complain away.

So, it’s ok when my Ceylinco on-the-spot takes over five hours to come through and I get directed from pillar to post.

It’s ok when Sri Lankan airlines stewardesses treat me with disdain because I’m travelling in Economy, or when they talk-down to domestics returning from the Middle East.

It’s ok when HELLTEL does completely and utterly the opposite of what I’ve asked them to.

It’s ok when (in spite of years of complaining) they serve me coffee at Barista’s in those takeaway cups that cheerfully spill my coffee for me before I get a chance to.

It’s ok when the Gallery Café maitre d’ snarls at me.

It’s ok when the Gallery Café owner snarls at the customers he doesn’t want.

It’s ok when I see rats in the rafters at Wadiya.

It’s ok when ODEL shop assistants breathe down my neck and fold clothes before I’ve looked at them properly.

It’s ok when the guy at Dasa’s is unhelpful because I’m only buying one DVD.

It’s ok when you pay full price ticket for an evening at the theatre for the privilege of watching what is, at best, a second rate primary school dress rehearsal.

And it’s ok when I pay this government over one third of my salary and get sweet b____-all for it.

It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. What else can it be?

My best customer experiences have been at:

1. Everyone, bar none, at the Cinnamon Grand
2. The Abans cleaning staff, all over – bless their cotton socks
3. Brite Video and Precious (when they were alive)
4. My SLT teleshop. Super super efficient
5. The people at my Kodak shop
6. Number 18 – it’s the only restaurant I’ve been to in a while where I have my glass of water
or wine refilled before I’ve even realised that’s what I need.
7. The kade round the corner. Ahhhh.

That’s it. You expected more? In this city?

Compare that list terrible customer experiences which have been at:

1. Suntel
2. Suntel
3. Suntel – they’re just the biggest bunch of dumb-clucks I have had the misfortune of
dealing with
4. Stage Light & Magic and Stage Fright and Panic – they should be renamed - Groan, Gripe
and Exit
5. My company’s HR function – I hope Satan has a special hell for these people. And I hope
they burn there for the rest of time.
6. My ad agency – arrogant and careless. I’d move if there was anyone else to move to
7. My car dealer – Y R Piyadasa near Kirulapone – may he get exactly what he deserves
8. The Police at checkpoints – they make thick planks look intelligent. The Johnnies who come
round the houses are no better.
9. Traffic police – self-serving, corrupt – they’d be a hard act to beat
10. CID – actually these people would give the traffic police a run for their money. I don’t deny
that I’ve met a few smart people at the CID but they’re clearly dancing to a tune that’s not
played on a frequency I can hear.
11. The chaps at the Indian embassy
12. The security guards at the VFS office in Colombo that process UK, French and some other
country’s visas
13. Last but not least my friendly friends at The Gallery Cafe and at Paradise Road.

So customer service in Sri Lanka sucks. Big time. But what do you do about it? Well, what can you do about it? Complain?

All kindsa love

2007-05-19T09:46:00.000+05:30

If I had been told all those years ago that ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ wasn’t just Hollywood over-hyping a movie, I would have watched it in a heartbeat. I only found out for myself last night when I finally sat down to watch the movie and what a pleasant surprise I was in for!

Not having read the book I didn’t know that the main story was about Ruth Jamison (Mary Louise Parker) and Idgie threadgoode (Mary Louse Masterson). It is told by Ninny Threadgoode, an old lady in a nursing home (Jessica Tandy) to one of her visitors, Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates). It unfolds slowly and somewhat frustratingly but what’s really beautiful is the energy with which Mary Stuart Masterson attacks her role. And I mean, ATTACKS. She is brave and kind and vengeful and caring – really just the most perfect friend to her dead brother’s ex girlfriend, only not quite... Every so often you realise you’re watching a carefully underplayed lesbian relationship unfold on screen. Underplayed but not denied. It is one of the most beautiful on screen relationships I have seen between two women.

At the end I think the movie tells you to just get on with it. To give your friends and family the best of yourself and hold nothing back, to have no fear and that eventually things take care of themselves. Whatever that means.

Typical Hollywood though – they messed up the ending and Sinhala teledrama-ed the Kathy Bates – Jessica Tandy relationship but other than for that – I would think it one of the nicest feel good movies I’ve watched in a while.

There’s all sorts of love in this world and you’re lucky if you get any of it.

REUTEURS UPDATE on this morning's blast

2006-12-01T11:45:00.000+05:30

11:22 01Dec2006 RTRS-UPDATE 1-Sri Lanka President's brother hurt in blast-witness
(Updates with fresh quotes, details throughout)

COLOMBO, Dec 1 (Reuters) - A bomb blast in the Sri Lankan capital on Friday slightly injured President Mahinda Rajapakse's brother, who is also the country's defence secretary, in what witnesses said appeared to be a rebel suicide bombing.

Gothabaya Rajapakse, who was admitted to hospital, has taken a hard line against Tamil Tiger rebels since he was appointed a year ago. His driver said he was only slightly injured.
"This is the Secretary of Defence's vehicle. He was taken away with slight injuries," the driver said, standing next to the ash-coloured BMW with shattered windows. He refused to give his name.

The attack comes just days after the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) said they were resuming their independence struggle in what analysts said opened a new chapter in the island's two-decade civil war.

A Reuters witness saw a severed head in the back of a pickup truck at the scene of the blast and the wreckage of a three wheeler taxi -- vehicles which have been used in previous bomb attacks blamed on the rebels.

A severed head found at the roadside after blasts is also often the sign of a suicide bombing.
Neither the police nor the military had any immediate comment on the attack, which took place outside an upscale Indian restaurant in downtown Colombo, a few hundred metres from the Prime Minister's offices.

Sri Lanka's two-decade civil has killed more than 67,000 civilians, troops and rebel fighters since 1983, around 3,000 of those this year alone.

((Reporting by Ranga Sirilal, writing by Simon Gardner, editing by David; Colombo newsroom))

Suicide Bombing in Colombo 3

2006-12-01T11:22:00.000+05:30

This morning's bomb down Dharmapala Mw (at about 10:35am) was somewhere near the MTV hoarding at the Junction of Flower road and Dharmapala Mw. Initial reports claim the target was warmonger, Gotabaya Rajapakse.

A suicide bomber seems to have been involved and people in the area claim to have heard what sounded like indiscriminate shooting. If you have more details update them here please.

Sitting on my brains - Ma Hinder's Song

2006-08-16T01:11:00.000+05:30

(to the tune of living on the edge - with slight variations)

Something's up at home today
Can't see what it is
The smoke's still in my eyes....
The country's going crazy
but it doesn't impact me
I couldn't care less even if I tried

I'm trying short term solutions
I'm hoping that they'll work
I want to leave a legacy unparalelled

But the people don't seem to happy
They want me to think out my approach
Believe you me, I'd do that if I could...

I'm sitting on my brains (you can see them if I turn around)
I'm sitting on my brains (you can see them but they're smaaall)
I'm sitting on brains (this is why everything's blowing up)
I'm sitting on my brains

I've tried to be real clever
But that plan's backfired real bad
I've tried to throw smokescreens and I've failed

The job's not that easy
I didn't know what it took
I wouldn't have pushed so hard then if I had...

It's not about the money
It's about the fame and love
but the money - gosh the money!!!!!
How much there is has left me utterly gob-smacked

I'm sitting on my brains (you can see them if I turn around)
I'm sitting on my brains (you can see them but they're smaaall)
I'm sitting on brains (this is why everything's blowing up)
I'm sitting on my brains

(repeat chorus ad nauseum)

Is there confusion in the little isle?

2006-07-02T01:52:00.000+05:30

If I get on to the streets, I will do so because I don’t like the culture of hate that we’re being trained into. We assume every Christian is out to convert the downtrodden Buddhist. We assume every Muslim smells funny and is an extremist. We assume every gay person MUST want to get into our pants because they’re randy bastards. And we assume every Tamil is a Tiger. These must be the most stupid generalisations on earth. I’m Christian and my ID card has Tamil writing on the back to tell the people at the check points that they can’t trust me. And they obligingly don’t. Never mind that I’m allergic to zealous Christians and that I categorically do not support the LTTE... but you try explaining that to a Thickface at a checkpoint.

I think we should protest the trend of intolerance. And what is intolerance, except people embracing their fears and insecurities and making monsters of both? One step forward. Three steps back. Quite apart from spiralling crime rates and economic mismanagement - We’re allowing intolerance of other cultures, other religions – anything that’s different. And because of this - we’re allowing Hate. But ‘Hate’ isn’t a Sri Lankan value? It’s not. It’s not. It’s NOT.

Let us alone. What is it that will last?
All things are taken from us, and become
Portions and parcels of the dreadful past.
- Tennyson, Lotos Eaters

If you ask me why I think we should stand up and make our voice heard now and why it wasn’t done over twenty years ago – the answer is that twenty years ago, the problem crept upon us. Surely no one thought then, that it would become the animal it has? And when we were living through the worst of it; during Pooneryn, Elephant Pass, and the bombings in Pettah and the Central Bank – some of us didn’t know better. We didn’t know anything different. We do now though... and we’re not Apathy junkies anymore.

We need to protest on different levels – and we need to move fast. If we start only once civilian targets in Colombo are hit. It will be too late. And we will look too selfish. Too weak. And not just in the eyes of the rest of the country but to the international community too.

Let what is broken so remain.
The Gods are hard to reconcile;
’Tis hard to settle order once again.
- Tennyson, Lotos Eaters

But we lack faith. We lack the faith that we can really change things and this…. in spite of there being incredible power (latent though it may be) within the general population. In spite of the fact that successive governments were elected in by people like us… and have been allowed to maintain control by people like us. Worse, those governments fund themselves and their extravagant tastes at our expense. If they’re doing something wrong then it is we who should demand things are done differently. We must!

In true Sri Lankan style though - someone says stand up - and other people rip them to shreds without thinking twice. Mala voiced her idea – as we all have before. and aren’t ideas what blogs are supposed to be about? Not for finding out who slept with whom and how many times someone else threw up on a Saturday night… stupidly entertaining as that information may be.

If we let this ‘stand up’ hype slide and don’t make the most of it, it may well be years before we come this way again. And we cannot afford that time. I believe the impact of protests by unaffected, unbiased individuals in incalculable. Think of the impact Whites marching with Blacks to protest segregation must have had on US legislators. Think of the impact worldwide mass demonstrations might have had before this most recent war in Iraq. And think of what might have happened if the German majority i.e. non Jew/ non Homosexual... had taken to the streets in the early 1930s, refusing to accept policies that curtailed the rights of the minority groups. Might things have been any different? We’ll never know.

"to remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all"- Elie Wiesel

The responsibility on the civilian Sinhalese to look after the minority groups has never been so great. Specially at a time when we're being pulled apart by political parties on every side of the divide - divisions that are created for no rhyme or reason other than to gain power or stay in control . At the end of the day - it's us civilians who are the pawns in this sick game of chess and it's time we told the politicians, the terrorists and the arms dealers to bugger off and leave us alone.

We have the power dammit – we’re just not doing anything with it.

thuGland

2006-06-22T17:45:00.000+05:30

As I see it, the primary role of government is to maintain law and order. If a government is incapable of doing that, then it’s worthless already.

The situation in Sri Lanka makes it obvious that the situation in terms of law and order in Sri Lanka leaves a lot to be desired but that’s not the government’s fault. It’s ours and ours alone. If we don’t petition the government through all the usual channels when we want change and then stand on the street if that doesn’t work… the fault for the rickety system of justice practised in this country should lie squarely on our shoulders. We vote them in and then we sit by indefinitely while they waste our money and bungle their jobs. I bet no one would tolerate this sort of ineptitude in their businesses – so why is it ok in government?

Is it because government is so remote for the average citizen? The link between the taxes you pay on a monthly basis and the awful system of governance you get in return is somehow accepted as the norm. The fact that we can actually petition people to do basic stuff, like sort out our garbage, turn on our street lights, hire more courteous policemen and generally just get a bloody move on with governing this country, doesn’t quite seemed to have seeped in. Ditto the press, our constitutional watchdogs… who do nothing but laze in the sun and write articles of no consequence (ref: full page article in the Sunday Observer, page 33 on ‘A life in the day of a pregnant lady’)

It’s a sad, sad state of affairs when you hear of politicians involved in club and bar brawls – even worse if you see them leading the charge. The recent incident where one of our better-known and less-respected Western Provincial Councillors started a horrible fight at Clancy’s, came as no surprise.

So the thing is this. If you’ve already got rape charges against you and you cause a fight pretty much wherever you go – why does society still tolerate you? The only up side is that this time he picked a fight with people of absolutely the wrong nationality. You can’t randomly pick fights with law abiding Americans because they have a superpower on their side. And you certainly can’t beat up their embassy staff without feeling some developed nation wrath bearing upon you.

AND what happened to the Ratwatte trial? How long were they in prison for? What happened to SB? How was he released so soon? What about the Ranatunga’s who were alleged to have beaten up schoolboys from the neighbouring school. Or my friend scummy-scummerson Mervin Silva. What about the car theft-related killings, the rise in the rate of petty theft and the increase in the murder rate? Are we really ok about it. This is a very different city to the one I grew up in. And it will be utterly unrecognisable when the next generation is our age.

Oh and what happened to the drugged out junkie who killed the foreign kid at Royal Park. How come we haven’t heard a peep from those quarters. And why is it that the girl’s family who have done nothing wrong have packed their bags and left Sri Lanka? Death threats? Seriously death threats? They say, justice delayed is justice denied. And justice denied is…. Is what?

DO something.

Meet. Protest. Get off your hands.

I know. I know.

2006-05-29T17:07:00.000+05:30

The one thing that makes systems work (apart from bribery) is networks. And no one knows this better than Sri Lankans. Everyone here is someone’s-someone’s-someone. And this is why the ‘Hi!’ magazine is such a hit. It caters all too well, to our need to know and be known.

The same sort of principle applies to weddings and funerals – and while for the main part, weddings are riotously fun and mad, funerals are and will always be horrible horrible events. And still… people in Colombo need to know - this Nihal de Silva funeral is a perfect example of that. They need to know exactly what happened and when. And they need others to know that they know the real facts… so to speak.

It’s this that makes Colombo one of the most charming and irritating places to live. Whenever someone in Colombo dies, gets married or has a party – insane details are passed around – what was served, who was crying, who was there, what were they wearing…. a lot of information that I think is completely unimportant. But people need to know. And as anyone who’s ever tried to keep a secret in this town will tell you - they don’t stop until they do.

I’m sure everyone in every small town is exactly the same… I think ‘involved’ would be a nice way to put it. Which made me realise years ago, that if I wanted to stay on here and stay sane I’d have to accept that a) Colombo was small and b) people would know every insanely boring detail about my life and have their own take on it. If they didn’t, only then was I to be surprised. And to the person who taught me that – thank you.

Basically people can talk behind your back all they want... It hurts when people gossip but if they do, then it doesn’t really matter because gossip isn’t about you anyway. It’s more about them. And for this reason, it becomes unimportant and irrelevant to how you lead your life. You only need to sit up and take notice when they have the guts to say (whatever they have to say) to your face. Otherwise it doesn’t really matter at all.

And to the people who need to know. And need others to know they do – you’re cool. You’re dead cool, man. Keep on keeping on.

The Da Vinci Slog

2006-05-28T23:05:00.000+05:30

I see there are howls of protest at Il Presidente’s decision to ban screenings of ‘The DaVinci Code’ in Sri Lanka. I have only this to say to him: thank you.

Yes of course, it is a terrible thing when a Government tries to control what and how it’s people think and it’s funny to see a Buddhist Lawyer play the fundamental fanatic but the movie is slow, preposterously pontificating and the acting is gut-wrenchingly bad. He is really doing us a favour.

Those who weren’t impressed by the book will find the movie exposes all the faults of the plot and the theory magnificently. Which is a shame. I wasn’t really a fan of the book but it was very readable, though the writing was somewhat basic. What was really irritating was that the wretched thing had been written for the movies… so while it could be described as a ‘page-turner’, that effect is kind of inevitable when chapters are all of a page long… n'est-ce pas?

As for the movie.... I was surprised to find myself bored. Really, bored. The acting was stiff and the entire movie over-dramatised so that it was almost laughable. I swear there were sections where Tautou sounded like the Lady from the Resistance in ‘Allo, Allo’ – “Leesten very carefully… I shall say zees only wunce”.

There was also little schwang between Hanks’ character Langdon and Tautou’s Neveau. Little explanation of why they’re both stumbling headlong into this dangerous adventure without second thought. Their lack of options, that was apparent in the book, doesn’t translate very well on screen.

What was upsetting was that the characters seemed to be driven, not by their personal motivation but this desperate need to piece the puzzle together. And so cracking the code and escaping from deranged killers takes pride of place…. but you’re never really sure why they’re doing it.

Then there are lots of Waste of Time scenes (WOT) : where the movie started to explore issues, like why Tautou’s character fell out with her grandfather or Hanks’ issue with confined space but didn’t tie any of this in with the overall plot. Pointless. Pointless.

Then there were more WOT scenes like the re-enactments of the history being discussed: the Council of Niceae, Emperor Constantine’s death, Mary Magdalene’s escape and killings of the Knights of the Templar. All very gimmick-y.

Did I like anything about the movie? Yes – Jean Reno as Bezu Fache and Ian McKellan as Sir Leigh Teabing were a treat to watch. Paul Bettany also did a good job with his role of Silas, the killer-monk from the Opus Dei.

It’s a 3/ 10. If you have to – read the book and leave it at that.

What to do?

2006-04-26T19:54:00.000+05:30

The first bomb in a long time explodes in Colombo, confirming my worst fears. I don’t know if this is the start of Eelam IV or the end of that super-shaky peace that we had. I only know I’m feeling very uneasy now.

I wish I knew how this will turn out. Will the Army go on a government sanctioned anti-Tamil rampage as they did in Trinco earlier this month. Will the Sinhalese be incited by government led forces to target Tamil civilians, as they did in ‘83? Does anyone who’s not Tamil really care? I mean, really.

It doesn’t matter to most people who just continue their lives and that's the main issue here – Apathy. That is what ails this country most. Not racism, not monumental proportions of political ineptitude and certainly not the fact that we’re so close to the equator. Just Apathy.

My Oxford English dictionary defines Apathy as a “lack of interest or enthusiasm” and that’s Sri Lankans all over. We only ever get excited about politics and cricket and even then, we’re never actually shaken up enough to get out on the streets and demand a turnaround in policy or practice.

We’re so chilled out, we’re virtually horizontal.

I’m not saying we should take to the streets for yesterday’s bombing , I just want to see more active political participation, right across the board.

I don’t know about anyone else but I’m tired of hearing about people dying randomly, sick to death of soldiers being killed and maimed by claymore mines, fed up with children being conscripted into armies and more than anything else – I am nervous about the impact what this current state of ‘wedont’tknowwhattodo’ will have on the general population, on the business environment, on life as I know it. On life as I like it.

I have had absolutely enough of this bloody war and I wish it would end. Whatever that takes.

Don't get me wrong, I’m all for negotiated peace, even if the Tigers keep their guns for a part of that process. And I’m all for negotiating because I just want to live my life. I was born into this war. I didn’t ask for it. I don’t subscribe to the ideologies of either side. I don’t care. Apathy.

But this Apathy also means I still haven’t done anything to make a change happen. I’m happy to stand on my little soap box and rant to friends and family but I haven’t actually done anything about any of the issues I think need to be addressed. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one.

SO – my thing is this. Why don’t more young people get out there and protest….When some seemingly nice kid is killed by a coked-up creep. When some boy who’s Dad’s actually from the Boonies but is now a parliamentarian, decides to shoot up a club or start a bar brawl. When children are forced to fight a war they don’t initially care for. When people are killed randomly and girls are abducted in the nights, or raped – whether by civilians or the Army. We should be out there saying “no”. Demanding that the wrong doers be tried and that when they’re convicted, they’re not shunted off into a comfy little cell with a DVD player and a Nakamichi sound system.

Just do something… Imagine if you had hundreds of thousands of people, including the well-dressed urban cool, protesting outside the Araliya Mandhiraya. If all those people used their contacts and a) brought in others b) got something done – effected some changes. There is so much possibility.

When we'd vote – we’d vote for people who put in pace systems that worked and had no compunction about chucking out the stuff that didn’t. We’d vote for a far less corrupt civil and administrational society. How amazing would that be - it would force politicians and the international press to stand up and take notice. I’m sure it would.

We have the power dammit – we’re just not doing anything with it.

"to remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all"
- Elie Wiesel

never ever

2006-04-24T16:08:00.000+05:30

In your shoulder. Your waist. Your shriek of excitement and bear hug.
In my silence. And space. My retreat, from your noise.

In your smile. Your vacant stare. Those tirades-for-attention.
And in my warmth. Knowingness. Sanctuary for your insanity.

I’m there as you break into that amazing smile.
There when you show me the child.
And right there when you’re around, making everything else unimportant. Standing, holding you. Feeling your warmth.

It might have been romantic at any other time but this.

The water’s rising.
I show you the ring around the moon but you only half-glance at it
using it instead as an excuse to lean in and bite me.

It's so compelling. You're so compelling. Insanity.

Ramblings for a rabbit

2006-03-21T15:08:00.000+06:00

I don’t know what it is about you – but I’m in your zone.

I’m late and have been running around but know it’s you – we’re not expecting any Suddhas. Gawky serious – no smiles at all. There’s still something about you and I don’t really know what it was but I wanted to chat with you.

Those eyes. There’s something there. Isn’t there? They’re just… something pretty. I looked straight and felt a little thrown. Sexy, knowing – damn they’re beautiful.

I try with you and feel like a fool.

‘Can I help’
‘No not really I need to know where everything goes’
Grumpy freak. I leave her to her packing.

On the way home, I think of the most complicated route to get time to chat to you. About the work you’re doing here. How you’re sometimes in the mood for other people and sometimes not. So not an always-nice then. Interesting. I get no vibes but you’re interesting. Very interesting.

The next day - It was so busy – there were other people I was into and they were into me. You watched a kiss. A can’t go further. And took part in a weird three-way paper based conversation on scribble paper with us.

Chain-yanking. The other woman’s into chain-yanking. I’m upset. Really really upset on the way out. And to top it all, we’re listening to my thoroughly depressing CD.

‘What’s this?’
‘Crowded House – they’re a New Zealand band’
‘Never heard of them’
Small drunk voice in the corner – ‘No you’re American, we wouldn’t expect you to know these things’

Damn... Drunk fool.

I liked chatting with you. I sing along tunelessly to the music and try to ignore this other woman whose hands are roaming all over my body. We talk about this shared passion of ours.

We talk about how important it is to do stuff that makes people think – even if there’s only a hundred people who get the message. Who cares? A hundred people who are forced to think. Just think. You then say something to insult me quite terribly but I let it go. I have been behaving exceedingly badly. Not a bad memory for a drunk.

Why is the project so important to me…? I tell you – pretty much everything. Carefully worded but now you know officially. Horses’s mouth and all that. I turn to you – it’s your turn now…

(…something something…)
“You’re straight right?”
Two really big brown eyes look straight back “bisexual”. Almost like a windpipe punch. I didn’t expect that at all. I am looking as couldn’t–care-less, as none-of-my-business as possible. My mind is spinning.

We go dancing and I know someone else is trying to dance with me but you – you’ve got amazing rhythm for a white girl. I don’t mean to be dismissive or rude but really – you dance so well. I only want to be closer. I think I take too many liberties with you and still you don’t push me off. Are you interested? Polite? Amused at how stupid I am? I feel so attracted to you I’m actually embarrassed. I’m a little ashamed of my behaviour also. You probably ditched that kind of dancing ages ago. I hate lovedrunks – the kind that want to want to sleep with you so badly in the night and then don’t want to so much as touch you the next day. I don’t do stupid hook-ups. Whether drunk or sober.

Oh god those eyes. And that mouth. It’s insane that you hide so much. Almost as if you’re ashamed of it but you’re just so beautiful. Fuck.

We’re dropping you home – I can feel her really tense. I know she wishes she could hand you over to the police or the prison so you would just stay away but I like you – you’re chilled out and not pushy and not nice. That’s a compliment from me to you.

This intense, pretty pretty girl is around and she’s cute but acting way too cool. Which means I’ll have to prostrate myself. But I won’t – I’m sorry this is serious no-go zone. I like you loads. If you want come and get. Come please.

===================================

This is from a while ago. A time before.

mistaking and learning

2006-03-12T23:01:00.000+06:00

I'm one of the most self-destructive people I know and this is in every aspect of my life - If I can possibly get in and muck it up, I will. Whether it's the last stretch on a big assignment or my love life - I just crave being able to screw it up.

And if you think this weird. It's ok. I do too.

To explain - if things are going really well at work, I will pick the time when I should be gearing up and finishing the job, to go into cruise mode. Same with my personal life - I make bad choices
and I seem to almost deliberately pick the wrong sort. On the few occassions I managed to date someone really nice and normal - it ended far sooner than it should have because they weren't tormenting me with endless issues.

It's just a vicious cycle with no escape route.

I am inexplicably attracted to the very kind of person that is bad for me. I know this. I just can't help myself. And here's the thing - the people I'm into, are into things I'm not. Like casual hook-ups and sex, like cheating, like chain-yanking, like playing mind-games. I should know enough to avoid them but I don't.

If you asked me why this happens, I'd say that I honestly didn't know. It's a terribly destructive pattern. I see it. I recognise it. But have no idea how to work it out of my system.

It's been years since I started dating and I would have thought that I'd have mastered this by now so it's upsetting that I haven't yet. And more than anything else what gets me is that I don't seem to have learned anything worthwhile on the way. When I see danger signs flashing in bright red, it only makes me want to press on further. Counter-intuitive thinking is what it should be called. Counter-intuitive and counter-productive.

What is the big deal about getting the ungettable?

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The Final Solution?

2006-02-16T17:42:00.000+06:00

There are times I so desperately want to be Sinhala-Buddhist, like today, that I want to dig a hole and die. Not because there’s anything shameful about being Sinhalese and Buddhist but because there’s something so safe about knowing you’re in the majority on every count. I’m feeling a bit hounded today… and why? because I met a JVP chappie last evening. Urgh.

JVP. Same people who’ve happily stencilled their party symbol on the roads that we taxpayers pay for, without so much as an ‘if-you-don’t mind’. I would have turned tail and run if I had been given the option but I wasn’t. So I stood there. And chatted. And how I wish I hadn’t now.

Basically he wanted to know if I was Sinhalese. And here comes the history, I’m not. I’m half Tamil. I don’t understand a word of Tamil and I don’t subscribe to the LTTE’s nonsense. Neither does any member of my family. We’ve never lived in Jaffna so I don’t care when the place gets bombed, except in a sort of remote sort of way – same feeling I have for Kosovo, London and Rwanda really but I digress.

He asked me if I was Sinhalese… and I lied and said “yes”. I feel like I’m a traitor every time I do it but it’s an uneasy feeling when someone’s trying to pigeonhole me and I always want to run and hide somewhere. Who on earth asks these retarded questions anymore? Who gives whether someone’s Sinhalese or Tamil? I mean, who - other than the JVP… obviously. Bastards.

Then he wanted to know where I lived. And I said “Colombo” in my bland sort of way but couldn’t think of a plausible lie fast enough so when he pressed me for a proper location, I ended up giving him a proper answer because I couldn’t be rude to him and ask him why he needed this information. I absolutely hate being forced to give answers when I don’t want to.

You think when they send the cleansing squads out they’ll avoid my house because I lied? I hope so. Racist chauvinist pigs. I wish there was the human equivalent of rat poison for them so they’d all crawl out of their burrows to die in the harsh light of day.

I am particularly angry that I’m feeling this insecure again. Like it’s not ok to be different anymore. Maybe it never was. It’s sad though. I was born here. I am entitled to my rights as a citizen and yet I feel I’m not. I know millions of people feel like this right through their lives and that I am incredibly fortunate to live the life I do. I’m just worried about something that might happen in the future. There were lots of Jews who felt the same vibe in the 1930s and saved their lives by fleeing to a safer political climate.

What I want to know is this, we have hundreds of thousands of educated people and I don’t mean that they went to a university and got a first. I mean they’re cultured, educated, liberal thinkers. Why do we tolerate narrow minded nationalism, in any form? Why are we passive in the face of change, when that change is not for our good. And forget about it being for the good of the country, it clearly isn’t in anyone’s best interest to divide us along racial or religious lines.

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Driving me mad...

2006-02-15T12:18:00.000+06:00

Violence is something I would associate with third party actions, a mob, a gang etc. Violence is not something I associate with myself. I’m hardly a violent sort of person. If a fight breaks out – I’m the first person out of the door. The further I am away from aggression, the better I feel. And yet.

Recently I have been giving into my temper and doing some really silly, horrible things. If someone parks their car so close to mine that I have to use the passenger door to get in – it drives me insane. INSANE!!! Why do other drivers think that leaving 4cms between their car and the one next to it will do? Doesn’t someone have to get IN to the car to drive it? Thick goats.

Anyway, instead of just wishing really bad things on them which I might have done before. I have now started whacking my car door into the car next to mine. It makes me feel loads better. Of course my car ends up with a dent and slightly less paint but I don’t care. I don’t even like my car but I’m hoping they like theirs. That’s terrible. It’s vandalism and I know it but they’re selfish bastards and sometimes the only language people understand is… well, their own.

I know this behaviour is a step up from cutting off trishaws and driving slowly in front of irate van drivers who are sitting on their horn. That’s passive aggression and entirely justifiable (say I) because their aggression annoys people and the stuff I do is a great way to get back at them. But the door banging is a worrying trend. Maybe this time next year I’ll have transmorgified into one of those thuggy girls who beats up other women in toilets of night clubs and bars.

I can't think what makes me do this. I really don't believe that violence is an effective way to achieve anything. I think only those who can't express themselves verbally have to pound other people into pulp in order to make a point. So what on earth am I doing?

Insidious markings

2006-02-13T08:41:00.000+06:00

Provincial Council elections are still a way off but the JVP has already started their campaign. They've painted the party symbol next to the X by pedestrian crossings/ traffic lights this morning. Insidious, not-so-subtle branding.

I thought you had to get permission from the Municipal Council to go round painting the roads?

Look at the things power can buy...

The country’s finest

2006-02-08T15:52:00.000+06:00

A recent post on Kottu about our local police force got me thinking… about all the times I have had run-ins and near run-ins with the Police and they number well into the hundreds… If you drive, you’ll know what I mean.

I have several issues with the Police, the most significant being that they are not as well trained as the armed forces and I think it is this lack of training that spills over when they handle civilians. They are crass, obnoxious and unapologetic about the inconvenience they put us through. Enough already. If anyone in the Army was to wander about the streets in uniform while off duty – they’d be court-martialled. Same process for the Navy and Air Force. I don’t believe the same law applies to the Police. Shame. So they wander about in patrol cars and stop off at local eating houses, or hitch rides in trishaws and buses, knowing full well that they won’t be billed because they are in uniform. In other parts of the world it might be considered an abuse of power but not in Sri Lanka.

Now here’s my other issue – every morning on my way to work, I count over 5 policemen frantically gesturing for traffic to move against the lights. Now that system is just stupid, it’s counter-intuitive and completely confusing. It can’t be just me who thinks this way... It’s a red light but traffic is moving. Or it’s a green light and I’m boxed in. Where’s the logic in this system? If the lights aren’t managing the traffic properly then that’s when you need to get the lights rewired, not put in a human element. Least of all, an element of humanity that belongs to the Police force, ‘cos we’ve established that 95% of them have no brains.

As for speeding fines – I think that must be every cop’s dream job. You get to sit under a tree and use a cool radar gun once every ten minutes. I believe it’s possible that the reason why we have such low speed limits is probably because our roads are a) short b) have a maximum of two lanes and c) have lots of turn-offs. So even if you wanted to pick up speed it would be difficult with all the cars turning on and off the main road.

If you’re caught speeding outside Colombo, the Police can actually insist you go back there in a week or so to sort it out in their court. Which is fine if you’re in Kandy but if you’re anywhere off the beaten path…. Then heaven help you! Basically what they seem to do is stand near the points where the speed limits change i.e. approaching a town and then zap motorists who haven’t yet had time to drop their speed to 50k! Blood suckers. I’ve noticed this on the Galle Road from Moratuwa to Ahungalla and on that new stretch before and after Dambulla. Be warned.

Foot note: I’ve learned through bitter experience that the easiest way to negotiate with Policemen and women is to smile nicely and hope they’ll leave you alone. I can confirm the same tactic works with customs, immigration officials and new bosses.

TechFailure

2006-02-07T14:00:00.000+06:00

Technology's failing me. Or I’m failing it. Whatever…

I’m feeling a little like the SLT lady who’s waiting for a call today. I’m waiting and waiting and waiting and this go me thinking. Here I am, with a mobile phone, sms, email and a blog and I still can’t get in touch with that one person.

I suppose that’s the beauty of this New World we’ve created for ourselves but I’d give a fair bit to live in a simpler time with pen, paper and a two week wait between letters. Really.

Just the most beautiful thing

2006-01-22T16:29:00.000+06:00

The Chitrasena Dance Academy is showcasing some of this country's most spectacular talent in local dance and drumming this weekend. I appreciate it's late but if anyone sees this blog before 7pm - go! go! go! (to the Wendt).

For those of you who don't get to go - you missed a treat, everything but everything fell into place. All the artistes seemed to be in perfect sync with one another and that's not something you get to see with English theatre and 'modern' dance. Each part of the show flowed seemlessly and to watch that amount of training and discipline coming together is a rare thing in this country.

All the female dancers were stunning and graceful and... wow! I don't have enough adjectives. Some of them seemed really young and they are already such beautiful dancers - I would think there's a lot of scope there for this country and its dance traditions. Thaji, Chitrasena and Vajira's granddaughter just stole the show for me. I couldn't take my eyes off her - she was elegant, graceful and displayed a strength and mastery of her technique that I would think far outshone Upeka's. I should not forget the men - I thought that it was Mohan and Ravibandu that stood out the most of the male dancers. Ravibandu is excellent both as a dancer and a drummer and Mohan, well he's amazing - I really hope his time comes one day.

Here's downside 1 about the show - it just didn't get enough press. Nowhere near enough, we live in an age of blogs, email, sms, mms - to not have hyped the show more was unforgivable.
Downside 2 - we went on the first night and had to listen to Sunethra Bandaranaike's take on Chitrasena as a friend but she somehow turned it into a take on herself, as Chitrasena's friend. Bless her cotton socks but someone should really have pushed her off stage after 2 minutes of that awful speech.

Tl me Y I dont lk Mondays…. and SMS.

2006-01-09T10:48:00.000+06:00

I don't like Mondays... but no one does.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against technology and in fact am very appreciative of the million ways in which it has simplified my life over the years. Even though I use SMS a lot, the fact that it has become so ok to SMS just about anyone (about almost anything really) amazes me. It really does.

"I thnk ur realy sxy" (Euw)

I see why SMS is such a hot favourite. It allows you to contact someone without intruding on whatever it is they’re doing. It’s obviously personal because it is you who sends it to the other person and still, SMS allows for an incredible amount of anonymity.

It is anonymity that probably gives people the freedom to flirt and fight wildly, without having to actually step out of their personal space. This is also exactly what’s wrong with SMS. I find it invasive more often than not. I feel obliged to respond to SMS and am annoyed when in doing so, I am taken away from whatever I was doing in the first place!

"Baba wt ur doig nw" (EEK.EEK. Deleting your SMS actually, why?)

A truly brilliant invention – SMS is used to ask teachers what grades students have got, to ask people out on dates, to wish family and friends for their birthdays and to skive off work. Face it receiving a SMS that contains the following sentence, “Feeling really awful – don’t think I can make it today” is so much more believable exactly because you can’t hear the liar at the other end of the phone.

"Am drunk. cmg ovr nw" (EEK. EEK.)

While I appreciate all of its many, many advantages – Christmas and New Year always but always puts me off mobile phone technology. The number of completely inane messages I received this Christmas was astounding and succeeded in driving me nuts. The worst was this message that begged to be allowed to stay in my SMS inbox until it was midnight on new year’s eve… so that the sender would be the first to wish me ‘a happy new year’. To describe that as ‘rubbish,’ would be nothing but an understatement.

My other pet peeve is SMS-talk. I’m sure there’s a jolly good explanation why people choose to write in SMS mode but I find it so irritating to read!

“Sry Im goig 2 b l8” (I really don't care…)

Worse still, I have a friend who persists in writing in some code that only she and a few Army Intelligence de-coding types understand and I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve ended up at the wrong place, at the wrong time because I hadn’t deciphered the messages properly. My fault for not checking, not double-checking and not understanding her complicated code better I’m sure but still.

Betcha bottom dollar it's a screw up...

2005-11-18T20:11:00.000+06:00

As far as I know there were well over 150 people taken off the electoral lists in Colombo. I understand this has happened elsewhere as well though I haven't bothered to check. These are people who have voted in the same area for well over twenty, maybe even thirty years and yes they are most likely to vote UNP. Free and fair election, my ass - someone has screwed our system.I think it completeley unacceptable that out private media haven't picked up on it at all in spite of being informed repeatedly. Scaredy, scaredy cats....I say we get out on the streets and march. If the JVP can rabble rouse so can we, dammit. Get out there and tell the reds to buzz of back to whereverthey'refrom. We cannot have our civic rights taken away in this manner. It's wrong. Just so wrong.

sittingnut said...
well unp has to decide how far they want to go with this sort of thing. if they want they can certainly create lot of trouble. buffalo has only 28600(.29%) majority after all even with ne boycott.
3:27 PM

Morquendi said...
Doesn't this remind you of what the Republicans did in the US to give George W his first term?Disenfrnachisement, and then counting on the other side to not kick a fuss about it and take the defeat lying down.It's a tried and tested methid. It worked again.
3:49 PM
MuddleLand said...
Morquendi - yes it does and more's the pity.What is the UNP doing anyway?
11:02 AM

Chee!

2005-11-17T11:39:00.000+06:00

People I know in Colombo 5 and Dehiwala were:a) not sent their polling cardsb) taken off the election listsApparently this has happened in other parts of the island as well, including Hambatota. What insanity is this?

Plot Killers

2005-11-16T20:15:00.000+06:00

Predictions for this week:1) Chandrika will deliver one last, beautifully timed blow to Mahinda’s campaign and frankly he deserves it, for being a gormless idiot and for all the mud-slinging he’s been doing behind her back. The names he apparently calls her would make a hardened prostitute blush.2) Some time in the next few days, either Ranil or Mahinda will have some attempt made on their lives:If someone tries to kill Ranil then it’s probably genuine and probably a) UPFA b) LTTE On the other hand, if someone tries to kill Mahinda – it’ll be another smacks-of-the-LTTE-but-isn’t –à la Kadirgamar style.Why do I say this? Because never before have roads been closed off on Nomination day because of security concerns for the candidates. What security concerns were there then? Mahinda was (and unfortunately still is) a bumbling fool and Ranil was a friend to the Tigers – surely no one really wanted either dead. Today things are very different. Read the other blogs on Kottu to find out why.My bets are on Mahinda being shot at but most likely this will be by his own people (remember how Chandrika got the second term she didn’t deserve?)2) Mahinda will win.2.1 I hate this thought but let’s face it – Mahinda has better support in the South and speaks to the “heart of the people” eugh.2.2 Mahinda also has more charisma than Ranil and though he speaks rubbish - frankly only people who live in Colombo 7 and its immediate surroundings like people who talk some sense so it really doesn’t matter.2.3 Ranil’s policies are more sound and make more sense but neither he, nor the younger UNP types have any real idea about how they should sell this to the average guy on the street whether Sinhalese or Tamil. Terrible marketing. Truly terrible… I hope someone spanks them really hard when they lose.Oh and…. people down South still remember the Jana Bala Meheyuma was really just a glorified booze-up and people in the other areas don’t like UNP-types turning up in their massive jeeps and running a cash-for-votes scheme. The UNP needs more Sajith Premadasas and less Ravi Karunanayakes and Milinda Moragodas, S B Dissanayakes and Sagala Ratnayakes. They give politics a bad, bad name.3) When Mahinda wins, this country will – make no mistake about it will go to the dogs and it won’t recover for a while. Not in my lifetime and I’m in my twenties. Isn’t that a horrid thought?4) No matter who wins this election, we will miss Chandrika. I hope no one ever forgets her blatant nepotism, slow-motion presidency or how she funnelled vast amounts of public funds to pay for her little nest-egg. That said, I have never known anyone to possess that much charm and grace while still being able to swear like a fisherwoman.CBK also did her job under remarkably difficult conditions and I only wish her spine had developed a little earlier.In conclusion:Never before has it been so important that you make everyone vote, specially if they’re likely to be pro-UNP. If these people don’t know who they want to vote for, it’s ok to convince them that a good administrator is what we need now, not some Johnny from whereverhe’sfrom. Actually we need a cross between Premadasa and Chandrika but that will never happen. So Ranil it is.

sittingnut said...
a nice muddled post, no? :-)
5:33 AM

Straighten up and fly right...

2005-10-31T19:18:00.000+06:00

Straighten up and fly right...This country’s going to the dogs and no one’s doing a thing to stop it. Yes of course the politicians and the army are responsible for a great deal of the chaos but so is everyone else. Even if we’re not willing to get on the roads and protest lack of law and order etc. we should at least take personal responsibility for our actions and that means everything….Everything. Don’t run a red light, don’t bribe the cops, don’t pee out in the open, don’t jump the queue and oh! Don’t leave abusive comments on someone else’s blog – that’s just bad manners. It’s because we lack discipline in the small things that the big stuff is allowed to get so ridiculously out of hand. Once that's sorted, other things will start to fall into place. Maybe then, Sri Lankans will develop a better sense of time and decorum and will also learn to respect one another’s individuality and privacy. There’s still a long way to go though.

Why, wHY, whY I'm voting for Ranil

2005-10-27T20:24:00.000+06:00

Why I’m voting for Ranil.No I haven’t sold my blog to the UNP electioneering machinery, so this is not an Ranil -ass-kiss write up. Read on.Basically the way I see it: the JVP in government wielding their hefty political theories will in fact take this stupendously beautiful country back about fifty to sixty years in terms of development. Why so much time? Well, because there will be more in-fighting in government than there is now (if you believe that to be possible), more ad-hoc policies implemented and worst of worst possible scenarios – Mahinda’s government will (will, not maybe, not might but will) split this country on racial lines and that will bugger the deal for all of us, whether we're in the minorities or not.Enough of this war. I frankly don’t care what happens to Jaffna, I’ve only been there once in my life anyway and beautiful as to was I am never going back until this thing is settled once and for all. It doesn’t bother me that I might need a visa to go to Trinco or to Arugam Bay. Give it up already. If successive governments can’t and won’t fight the Tigers on their terms, then they must cease hostilities and talk the issue through.Mahinda’s coalition government is likely to do the following (in my opinion)1. Have the most illogical economic policies on God’s earth – coalition governments have a bad track record in this part of the world2. Tackle the tigers with no finesse and end up pushing us back into war3. Push the Minority issues to the bottom of the list and irritate the average Tamil, Muslim and Burgher no end4. Make Sinhalese the official language and insist we all speak it – even when we’re talking to ourselves5. Chase most of the reasonably bright and reasonably well-educated people out of this country6. Corruption will continue unabated and the population will see no improvement in their lot7. Fewer journalists have died for overstepping boundaries, under CBK’s tenure but Mahinda’s a bit of a thug and I wouldn’t count on the same sort of luck continuing. Does anyone know if he really was in prison for three months a few decades ago on a murder charge?Ranil’s government:1. Will have reasonably clear economic policies, the TNA and SLMC don’t really count in the same way the JVP does. They’re more like joy-riders e.g. they’re never going to lead waves of protest marches on the government or try to force someone’s hand on policy with a fast-to-death of a Buddhist monk or two2. Likely to push for peace settlement3. Corruption will be on a much grander scale but we will have something to show for it at the end – think Mahaweli, Mahapola, Gam Udawa, EPZs etc.4. Death of journalists and other boundary over-steppers - Ooh, well the UNP was Premadasa’s party and Sirisena Cooray’s back in the game and SB will be too – need I say more? I think though that marginal loss of freedom of speech is acceptable if it means we get a better economy as a result.5. Maithri and Ranil Wickremasinghe are a far cuter couple to watch together than Mahinda and his wife. They get frivolous points.

Morquendi said...
I agree with much you say about Ranil except for one thing that I strongly disagree with.Ranil and Maithree vs. Mahinda and Shiranthi is a bit more of a close call than to say that the Ranil-Maithree combination is cuter. Both the men look like idiots, and both the women look rather stunning (Shiranthi perhaps less so now). So it's a bit of a close call.

In a fuddle

2005-09-24T20:01:00.000+06:00

I propose to start a new party with political intent as of date. We will have no colour, no symbols and no secret handshakes. It's not as batty as it may seem because it will all be in the miiiind, do you see?Here are the main objectives:1. looking good2. minding your own businessThis is not even half as simplistic as it looks : Looking good and minding one's own business will solve over 85% of the problems we face on a daily basis. Whether in terms of the global economy or in our personal lives.On the importance of minding your own business - Sri Lanka's in the middle of an about-to-be-insanely-violent election process and minding one's own business will prove to be of the utmost importance - trust me. Remember also, that if the US had just minded its own business in the first place, they wouldn't have had 9/11; London wouldn't have had all those bombs and maybe New Orleans wouldn't have been such a developing nation mess-fest.On the importance of looking good - well, I can't believe have to explain this really!!! This is how bad it is in Sri Lanka. In the blue/ red corner we have a man with a dead fish on his face. He's palled up with two disreputable men that my mother would never let me bring home. Ever. Then in the green corner there's a somewhat poncy, lipstick wearing elitist with his paunchy buddy on the other.Internationally of course there's the fabulously handsome President Bush, dashing Prime Minister Blair and the beefy Senator, Schwarzenegger. Don't you agree that if they looked good, it wouldn't be such a chore to listen to them spout the drivel that they do? Imagine Uma Thurman chatting about Keneysian econmic theory or Angelina Jolie waxing eloquent about refugees (oh wait.. she does that already). Anyway - you get my drift.Back to my new party - amongst our key deliverables will be to let people get about the city withoutbeing stuck in what has become a common-place traffic jam. The economy needs to function. We need people to get about their business during the day and go home to their families in the night - that won't happen if they can't go for meetings and are stuck in traffic for three to four hours in the evenings. So no more strikes, rallies or silly ten day marches. Nada.Another important deliverable will be to ban all trishaws, motorcycles, buses and vans from hereon. If we have lots of excess vehicles once this comes into effect I propose that SLAID (Sri Lanka's Assistance or Industrialised Dimwits)ships them off to New Orleans and the surrounding areas. They need it more than we do right now.Excess drivers of the vans, buses etc. - will be shipped off as cheap labour to China and India. It's one way to get the dollars flowing inward.As for a name for this party.... I'm stumped. I have four options so far; 1. Sri Lanka Superficial Party 2. Jathika Lassana Urumaya 3. Janatha Prashna Visandhuma Pakshaya 4. Eksath Komala Pakshaya but nothing's really getting me excited. I can't think why.I'm just going to sit in a corner until its all a little clearer.